There's No Hope For Me
by luluiscrazy
Summary: Misaki faces new obstacles, as well as putting up with old ones. He must make a decision of whether making his life better among his friends and familiy, or let everything fall apart. Sequel to "There's No Way Out!"
1. Prologue

**Hey everyone! Sorry for starting this story late. My computer caught a virus and I'm actually typing this up from work. It's been a few weeks and since I'm broke, I couldn't get it fixed right away. Hopefully I can get my computer fixed soon so that I can update on time. **

**Well, here's the official sequel to **_**There's No Way Out! **_**I hope you guys like it. **

**I DO NOT OWN JUNJO ROMANTICA!**

**Prologue**

It's cold today.

The weatherman said it was going to be in the seventies, but it feels like it's in the low sixties, probably lower. Maybe I feel cold because I've been sitting outside for hours. I should've brought a jacket. I tuck my hands in my laps, which are in a pretzel shape, and my feet are bare. I'm still wearing my pajamas.

The wind picks up and I shiver, feeling the hairs on my body stand. I glance down at my arms and notice all my scars. My precious scars. They're a part of me now, since I can't make them disappear.

It's early morning, I'd say around 7:20am. It's Saturday so I don't have to worry about school. Sensei Kamijou has been somewhat nicer to me, and hasn't been giving a whole lot of homework. But occasionally I'll get hit with a book or board eraser.

You're probably wondering why I'm out here in the first place. Where is 'here' exactly? Out in the balcony of the penthouse, sitting on the ledge. If I look down, I could see cars zooming by and people doing errands. I try not to peer over too much as it'll make me dizzy and I'll start to lose focus. I'll just look up at the sky and let my mind wander. It's so clear yet hypnotizing. I could stare at it forever. When I feel overwhelmed or just angry, I'll sit out here to try to calm myself. It worked sometimes but not every time I guess.

Another gust of wind blows in my direction and I chew my bottom lip. I want to go inside and hide under a blanket, but I don't move. I want to feel numb. I refuse to back in the house. I wonder what would happen if I just sat here all day. Of course Usagi wouldn't approve. I know that for sure. But he isn't here. He hasn't been here for three days.

My phone starts ringing and I look to see who it is. Well, speak of the devil. It's him. I don't answer and after a few seconds, it stops. I wait a little longer as I know he'll leave a voicemail, which he does. I pick up the phone and open my voicemail box. I hit 'play' and listen.

"_Misaki,"_ he sighs and clears his throat, _"please answer the phone. I shouldn't have to call you and tell you to come." _There's a pause and I wait as there's more. _"Don't you care? Don't you care! Misaki, come down here, you have to. It…doesn't look good and…who knows how much time is left. I can't believe…you would do this." _

The message was over. I didn't realize that I was crying. I glance down at my phone, my vision blurry and I couldn't see the keys, I wipe my face and open a new text message.

_I'm sorry _I write and sent it to Usagi.

Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. I raise my cell phone high, peering over the balcony and release it. I wait a few moments and finally hear a faint shatter of the small object against the pavement.

**And that's it! I know it's short but you know it's only the beginning. I'm going to apologize in advance if I make the characters a little OOC. Thanks for reading! Please R & R. **


	2. Never meant to hurt you

**Thanks for the reviews everyone. I'm sorry if the prologue seemed confusing but I promise that everything will soon fall into place, so have patience! Again thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this first official chapter. **

**I DO NOT OWN JUNJO ROMANTICA!**

**Chapter One**

A few hours pass and I'm still sitting on the ledge. I've been here for so long that the lower half of my body has gone achy. Since I dropped my phone, I didn't really know what time it was. The sun was high in the sky and even some clouds have shown up. Maybe it's around ten or eleven o'clock?

I stretch my legs, feeling the burning and aching sensations as it courses through me. They dangle over the ledge and the wind tickles at the soles of my feet. I sigh deeply as my mind starts to wander again: Usagi and that voicemail, how angry and disappointed he sounded at me. I've never heard him speak like that before. I guess that proves that I'm someone you can't rely on. I'm only a burden to those around me. I'm nothing.

Thinking this, I feel myself tremble with shame. I hate feeling like this: worthless, stupid, uncaring. These thoughts fill my head and I can't get rid of them. I thought I was getting better. We all did. Usagi, Nowaki, Sensei Kamijou, and…Nii-chan. My recovery…well I guess it wasn't really a recovery if I'm lounging around, thinking about cutting myself again. But sometimes…it's not enough. Cutting is not enough. Crying is not enough. Hitting things and punching walls, screaming at the top of my lungs is just not enough. And at that point, I just want to give up. I ask myself 'why am I still here?' and I come up with zero answers.

I could end it. My life that is.

Everyone knows I've been through hell so why not alleviate some of that pain. I peer over the ledge again, not looking away this time. What would happen if I slid closer to the edge? Let myself fall or hold on for dear life as it was a mistake? I take a deep breath and release it slowly.

When did everything become so difficult? I chuckle even though I know that this situation I was in wasn't funny. It all started about five months ago. So much has happened that I'm surprised I've even lasted this long. Yes, within the last five months, my life has taken many turns. Want to know what happened? Here's my story.

**Five months ago**

It's bright. I could tell even with my eyelids closed. I tried to open them but it felt like they were glued shut. After a few seconds, I managed to squint, my vision a bit blurry, and notice that something was holding me down.

_Am I…strapped down? Why?_

Finally I could see clearly and see that I was still in the hospital room.

_I'm alone. Where is Usagi?_

Pondering, I remembered. He left me. He blamed himself for what I had done and left me alone. I could feel my heart sink, my lips started to tremble. Was he going to come back? Did he…not love me anymore? I tried pushing myself up but couldn't. My arms were strapped as well.

I searched for the call button, which was off to my right, and of course I couldn't reach it. It took me a few moments to clear my throat as I tried to call for someone but I had no luck. I could yell louder but I didn't have the energy. Off to the left there was the door and a small window above. If only I could see through it. It was frustrating that I was here by myself and no nurses came to check up on me.

_I want to get out of here, _I thought.

Waiting, I kept glancing out the smaller window. Maybe someone would pass by and see that I was up? Well, I was still drowsy so I didn't know how long it would be until I would fall asleep again. Suddenly something caught my eye and it was a person standing in front of the door. They had silver hair.

_Usagi-san?_

Was it really him? Did he come back for me?

"Usa…Usagi-san!" I called out. It wasn't loud enough. "Usagi-san!" He didn't turn around. In fact, he was gone. _No, come back…_

"Usagi-san, you damn bastard!" I blurted out, this time too loudly, which hurt my throat a bit. I saw the knob turn as someone was opening the door and revealed…Kamijou-sensei? What was he doing here?

"S-Sensei? W-What are you—I mean, why are you…It's good to see you." I laughed awkwardly. I must've sounded like an idiot. He narrowed his eyes and sighed. He came in, shutting the door behind him.

"Well, it's about damn time you woke up. You've been out the whole night."

"Really? Wow." There was an awkward silence. All you heard was the beeping sound from the monitor that was standing beside me.

"Um, Sensei," I started, "…is Usagi—I mean Usami-san here? With you?" I gulped as I waited for his answer.

"Yeah he's here. He went to get some coffee."

"R-Really?" I could feel my heart start to race a bit. He was here. "Has he been here this whole time?"

"Well, yeah. That idiot refused to go home because he wanted to be here when you woke up, which he failed as you're up and he's not here."

Kamijou-sensei walked over and grabbed one of the empty chairs that were in the corner. He sat a few feet away from my bed.

"So…how are you feeling?" He used a bit of a softer tone, which I rarely got to hear.

"Tired. Um…could you tell me why I'm like this?" We both looked down at my body. The straps were across my arms, stomach, and feet.

"From what I heard, you went crazy so they tied you up to and gave you something to calm down. Those idiot nurses gave you too much and you went out cold." He shook his head disapprovingly.

_I went crazy? But I didn't—_

Then I remembered that when Usagi left, I did lose it and was trying to call him back. I even tried yanking out the IV and that was a mistake. Looking at my professor, he barely slept, the dark circles around his eyes made it obvious. I wonder if he stood here all night too.

"I'm sorry sensei. I didn't mean to cause such a commotion." He mumbled 'don't worry about it' and sighed.

"When will I get to home?" I asked. I didn't know what I was going to do if the doctor said that I wasn't stable enough to be released. I wasn't crazy. I knew I wasn't. I just wanted for _him _to be here with me.

"Hell if I know. I'm here because Nowaki wanted to see you."

"N-Nowaki? He's here too?"

"Yeah, he's worried about you. Everyone is. But you want to be all depressed and cut yourself." I flinched at that last statement. He knew. I didn't think that my own professor would find out my secret. I glanced down at my arms, which were both bandaged up pretty tightly. It was embarrassing and shameful. "I mean, what the hell is the matter with you? Are you stupid?" At that point he was out of his chair, almost hovering over me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't apologize to me you brat. Apologize to the others for scaring them. Especially Akihiko."

"Usami-san?"

"I never seen him so…lost. He looked like he had no life in him. Out in the waiting room, he kept pacing around, waiting for you to wake up. Stupid idiot got on my nerves, but he didn't care."

I could feel my cheeks slightly heat up. He was worried about me. He was waiting for me and to know that he didn't abandon me…

I started tearing up. I couldn't wipe them away since I had no use of my arms. _Usagi-san…_

"H-Hey! Why are you crying?" Sensei looked alarmed.

"Hiro-san? What did you do to Misaki?" Nowaki walked in, a small cup in each hand. "Did you hurt him or something?"

"W-What? Of course not! I'm not that cruel. And besides, that would be unfair if he can't at least defend himself if I did hurt him." He crossed his arms against his chest. Nowaki shook his head in disbelief, but smiled. He then glanced at my direction.

"Hey Misaki, I'm glad you're up. How are you feeling?" He gave a cup, I guess it was coffee, to Sensei and grabbed a chair to sit in. I couldn't answer right away as I was trying to not cry anymore.

"I'm okay," I managed to say. He smiled.

"I'm glad."

There was that awkward silence again. Finally as Nowaki looked like he was going to ask something, my heart stopped. Usagi-san had walked into the room.

"Misaki," he whispered. I stared at him in awe, like he was just part of my imagination. "Misaki."

"Hiro-san, why don't we get some more coffee?"

"Why? I'm fine with what you brought me."

"Hiro-san…"Nowaki cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows to get the message across. Sensei looked at him, then me, then Usagi.

"Right," he mumbled, "more coffee." The two of them left, leaving the two of us alone.

"Usagi-san," I whispered. I couldn't think of anything to say as I was lost for words. He caught me by surprise as he rushed to my side, embracing me the best way he could.

"Forgive me," he said into my ear, "I didn't mean to leave you. I'm so sorry."

"Usagi-san, I—"

"I was angry at myself," he began, "Misaki, you have to know that I would never leave your side. You mean so much to me that I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here with me. I love you. I love you so much Misaki."

Tears spilled over my cheeks as his words rang in my head. His face was only a few centimeters away from mine and then his lips were on mine. They were so warm and soft. I missed this. I missed him.

**Chapter one is done! Man I'm tired. Need to catch up on some Zzzz's. I'll update the next chapter as soon as I can. Please R&R. Thanks for reading!**

**Luluiscrazy**


	3. To lie or not to lie

**I don't have enough words to express how sorry I am for not posting any chapters in a while. I'm really sorry **

**I DO NOT OWN JUNJO ROMANTICA!**

**Chapter Two**

I heard someone clear their throat. I open my eyes quickly, turning my head so Usagi could stop kissing me.

"Good morning Takahashi Misaki. I see that you're feeling better today. My name is Dr. Asano. I am one of the psychiatrist here at the hospital. " He shut the door behind him. I didn't recognize this doctor. He seemed to be a little older than Usagi with dark hair and dark eyes. I became a little nervous. He took a seat next to the bed. I noticed that Usagi seemed annoyed, but then he took his seat on the other side of me. I watched as the doctor started flipping through papers from his clipboard. The silence was getting to me as time went by. Every few seconds, Usagi would squeeze my hand with reassurance.

"Well Misaki," he began, "looking over your chart, you seem to be in good health. What is a bright boy such as yourself doing here?"

I gulped. I glanced at Dr. Asano and then at Usagi nervously. Everyone knew why I was here. Do I really have to explain myself again? Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth to speak but closed it.

"It's ok," Usagi whispered, "I'm here no matter what." Squeezing my hand once more, he smiled. I could tell that he was forcing that smile. Even though he didn't blame himself, this wasn't easy to handle. Because of my carelessness, I freaked him out.

"Umm…I," my voice was shaking but I kept going. "I'm h-here because…I had _hurt_ myself." I whispered that last part and I'm hoping he heard me. He stared at me for a few more seconds and then started scribbling down on his clipboard. He paused and looked back up again.

"How did you hurt yourself?" He asked. He had his pen ready in hand to jot down my next response. And of course I felt my chest tighten as I didn't want to answer that question. I sighed as if it was something for me to do and hesitated. The seconds dragged by.

"Do you think you could step outside for a moment?" Dr. Asano said to Usagi. Both Usagi and I were taken aback a bit.

"I refuse to leave him," Usagi said.

"It's only going to be a few minutes. Just long enough for him and I can talk."

"There isn't anything he can't say in front of me. Isn't that right Misaki?" When I didn't answer, refusing to look at his face, Usagi slowly released my hand. "I guess I will step outside."

"N-No, please." _Don't leave me again_ I thought. Suddenly I felt his hand ruffle my hair. That familiar touch sent tingles through my body.

"I promised that I wouldn't." he smiled and exited the room.

"Okay Misaki," Dr. Asano resumed, "how did you hurt yourself?"

Why was it so difficult to say? I mean I had told the nurses earlier so it shouldn't be this hard, right? But…I did tell someone when I told myself I wouldn't. The first person who I had confided in was Nowaki, and I didn't have a choice since I forgot to lock the bathroom door and he walked and saw everything. I felt so stupid but I really thought I could trust him. Then everything went downhill from there. The fact that I told my secret to strangers rather than Usagi, it hurt me. I mean, I was afraid of his reactions. If I had a choice, I would have never told anyone but that wasn't the case. Usagi found out from other people and it was upsetting for the both of us.

"Could you please untie me? It's uncomfortable." If I had to tell why I was here, again, I should at least be able to feel some comfort while I'm here. Dr. Asano looked at me with questioning eyes, hesitating, but I sighed with relief as he set his clipboard down and began to undo the straps. When he was finished, I was able to sit up properly. My body was slightly stiff but I was happy to be able to move again.

"Are you going to answer my question?" He resumed with pen and clipboard in his hand. Taking a deep breath, I began to tell him.

"I…" _Come on! You can do this! _I thought as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I started…cutting myself."

"When you did you start cutting yourself?" He didn't look at me when he asked which gave me some relief as I continued speaking.

"I started…maybe a few days ago, maybe a week, I'm not sure." My face flushed. I'm here in the hospital because I couldn't control myself. I'm so stupid.

"Could you tell me why you were cutting yourself?"

"Um…I don't know. I guess it was for…different reasons." I stared out the window as I said this while fumbling with the blanket at hand. I couldn't look at his face. I didn't want to see his expression,

"Well, how about telling me some of those reasons. Perhaps we can work together and help relieve yourself from some of those problems?"

As he waited for a response, my stomach growled. That was embarrassing. I heard a light laugh and realized Dr. Asano got up from his seat.

"How about I let you eat something first. After you eat, I'll come back and we can talk again. Sounds good?" I nodded and he left the room. As soon as he was gone, Usagi came into the room. He rushed to my side and gave me a hug, a real one this time.

"Don't worry. I'm going to get you out of here." I wanted to tell him that I was happy that he came back for me, but I just kept silent. I felt as if my head was about to explode. Too many thoughts ran through my head. How did I let myself be in this situation? Not only does Usagi know, but so does Nowaki and the Devil Kamijou. If Nii-chan found out…

"Usagi-san, does my….my brother know about this?"

He quickly answered as he could see the terror in my eyes. "No he doesn't. I don't think he should know about this." He said this without hesitation.

All I could do was nod. If he ever found out about this, he would start asking me questions why I was doing this in the first place and probably blame Usagi since I'm living with him. He'll probably take me away to live with him…and I'll never see Usagi again.

"Misaki did you hear me?" I snapped away from my thoughts.

"Did that doctor say when you can leave?"

"N-No. He said that I could eat something first and would be back to ask me more questions." Usagi was clearly angry.

"I'm not going to wait that long. For that we can leave and you could eat at home. I can order something so you can relax."

"I don't know I'll be released that soon because—"

"You cannot stay here. You belong at home with me. These people are wasting our time. Just say what they want to hear so you can be released. I need to have you with me alone for a while. I need my Misaki."

"Idiot Usagi! You want to go home so you can do _that_? You can't be—"I stopped abruptly as I saw his face. He wasn't smirking like he would normally do when he wanted to have his way with me. His eyes were empty, expressionless. Did he really mean that he wanted to go home to just be together, like in relax to enjoy each other's company? I could feel my face heat up.

"When that doctor comes back just make something up. They will make you stay here until they know for sure you won't go and…do _that _to yourself again." It pained me to hear that he paused while speaking. He couldn't even say 'cut' or 'injure'. I feel like he doesn't want to acknowledge it_. _'It's not that easy'I wanted to say but I didn't want to make him angry or more sad.

"O-Ok. I'll be sure to tell him what he wants to hear." Usagi reached over ruffled my hair.

It'll be fine. I'll do what Usagi tells me so I can go home. I can try to go back to living my life again. My miserable, lonely life.

The nurses came and brought me my food, which was some eggs, bacon, toast along with some orange juice and fruit cup. I drank the juice but the meal didn't look very eggs were to soggy and the bacon wasn't fully cooked. I ate small bites but my stomach couldn't handle it.

About twenty minutes after trying to eat my food, Dr. Asano came back as promised. Usagi was upset but left the room again. He knew the doctor would probably ask him to leave again anyway so he left.

"Did you enjoy your meal?" He asked.

'Not really' I wanted to say. "Yeah, it was great. Thank you." He smiled and got his clipboard and pen ready.

"I know this is weird and uncomfortable for you. You probably dislike me right now because of the questions I'll be asking. But remember that we're doing all this so you can feel better , ok? You want to be happy right?" I nodded and he cleared his throat.

"Ok Misaki. Can you tell me why you were cutting yourself? Tell me your reasons?"

I thought about what Usagi had said. The faster I can come out and tell him what he wanted to hear, I can go home, away from this place.

"I was stressed with school," I began to tell him. This was technically true of what I was saying. "There were too many exams and I felt I was going to fail them." Dr. Asano started writing down my response.

"What about your home? Do you live alone?"

"Um no…I don't live alone."

"Then perhaps a friend or roomate?"

"Yes I live with…a friend." My face started heating up and I don't know if he believed that detail.

"Would you say that things are well at home?"

I nodded. "Things are fine at home." My voice cracked slightly. He stared at me for a moment and resumed writing.

"Looking at your personal information, it says that you have no family."

"I-I do have a brother but he lives in Osaka." _Please don't ask about my parents. Please—_

"And parents? Do they live far away as well?"

"No…my parents," I pushed away the memories of my brother telling me the bad news. "They…passed away."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Another noted added to the clipboard. "When did they pass?"

"When I was eight."

"Who took care of you?"

"My brother. He was eighteen. I guess you could say he was like my parent." As the questions kept coming, my body was relaxing somewhat.

"While growing up, did you and your brother have a good relationship? Did he ever treated you badly or any of the sort?"

"N-No, he was great. He gave up everything so he could take care of me_." He threw away his life so he could take care of his useless, whiny brother._

"That was very kind of him. What about—"

"Will I be able to leave soon?" I didn't mean to interrupt but I couldn't help it.

"Well, it depends. There still some questions I need to ask and I'll make a decision from there."

"Ok." I wished I didn't have to hear his next question.

"Have you ever thought about or wanted to commit suicide?" My body stiffened and my breath was caught. I think the doctor noticed and he started scribbling down on his clipboard. _Tell him what he wants to hear so you can go home!_

"N-No. I never thought about it or tried to. I don't believe in it."

"You don't believe in it. What about self-mutilating? In some of these cases, people who perform these acts usually want to be freed from their personal issues, which often can result in suicide." I shook my head.

"I only did this so I wouldn't feel sad. But I don't want to…you know." For some reason I wasn't sure if I believed what I was saying. I don't know if he was either.

"So are you willing to go through counseling and be on medication to help you with this?" I nodded.

"I see from your records that you were seeing Dr. Yamano about your depression. Were you taking anything?"

"Yes. I was taking medication but I—" _but I threw them away. _"lost the bottle at school."

"I see. Well no worries. I'll just fax over your information to Dr. Yamano and have them refill your medication. I will ask that you make a follow up with her. Make sure you go to your counseling sessions. If you want to feel better and have good progress, you are the one to make that happen. In case you would like to talk to me, just call me." He handed me his card. Had his phone number and email address. "I'm here if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to."

"Does this mean I'm able to go home?"

"This means that I'm going to believe in you to make the right choice. If you let yourself go down this road again, I'm not sure I or any other doctor will let you go home. You'll have to stay here in our Mental Health Clinic and stay until we see some positive changes in your behavior. I won't say how long that can take."

"I understand." I gripped his card tightly in my hand, nearing crumpling it.

"Alright Misaki. I'm going to have a nurse come in and check on you and your arm. I want to make sure everything looks good. Just observing, you appear to be highly functional and aware of what's going on so I'm not going to demand more tests to be done on you, unless there's something else you would like to say before I leave?" I slowly nodded my head. I don't think I could tell him anything else. "Well alright. You are free to go home as soon as the nurse gives me the thumbs up and have her give you some forms to sign for release. Take care."

He left the room and once again Usagi rushed into the room.

"Well?" he asked.

Part of me wanted to say out loud that I was happy that I was going to leave the hospital, but the other part wasn't so sure if I would be safe going back home. Back to where all my problems are. I guess I'll find out.

"Let's go home." He came and hugged me, whispering 'I love you' over and over. I couldn't help but feel tears well up in my eyes, and knowing they weren't tears of joy.

**I know! This chapter totally sucked. I was really stuck and so this came out. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. Again I'm sorry for the delay. Please R&R!**


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